The Daily Dott - Tuesday

I've decided to invent the world's first apple that cleans your teeth whilst you eat it!! Does that make sense?

Think about it, Dentists, and other medical professionals, have always advised us to eat an apple a day - even though it's supposed to, 'keep them at bay.' Eating an apple is healthy for the teeth and gums, no doubt, and just like a juicy rump steak it gives the mouth a workout. So why not add a bit of toothpaste to it since a lot of people have an apple in the morning anyway. Plus, carrying an apple is more convenient than toothpaste and a toothbrush!

So how does it work? I can hear the Dragons asking! Well, my revolutionary apple would have a toothpaste and mouthwash mixture inside it that would sort of foam in you're mouth when you eat it. Simple.I could call it BrightMac instead of Britemac, Pearly McIntosh instead of Eearly McIntosh....and so on.

It's the Daily, I think a minty apple would taste quite nice, don't you?

- Going To Church
- Silver Spoon
- Mel Gibson

- Going To Church

How do you go about joining the Church? Does one just turn up on a Sunday wearing his Sunday best? Is there a membership fee? Or is that silly?

I have so many unanswered questions with regards to going to the Church...but that should change if I decide to go. I mean, even if I don't 100% believe in God, I can still go because I still think it's an amazing story, I like the prayers and the Church songs.

One of the earliest songs I remember were the likes of 'He's Got The Whole World In His Hands' and 'Lord Of The Dance.'Going to Church would probably give me a sense of belonging and community and like I say, even though I don't 100% believe in God ,every time I am in a Church I always feel a strange aura, like I am in a great temple or something. It's hard to explain but that feeling would be nice to have every Sunday, better than a hangover anyway!

- Silver Spoon

This morning I was in my local NatWest branch, a place in which I had previously waited an hour for someone to speak too, and that was just to open an account with them. Yes, the NatWest is the worlds worst bank in my opinion, especially for it's waiting times, so it's no wonder I found myself casting a critical eye over it's free magazine – what else was there to do?

An article that I felt really took the piss was under the 'life coach' section, it featured a girl called Emma (who was a Journalist) that was having so-called money 'problems,' of course, I say the latter with great sarcasm.

“Why do I end up overdrawn at the end of every month?” was the title of this article and to the left it showed Emma's monthly budget and the things she spends her money on. She makes £1,800 a month and spends £2,000 – so that's the answer to her overdrawm problem straight away!

Now I ain't no life coach but if you're going to spend £110 on newspapers and magazines and £280 on lunch and flowers, like Emma does, then you're asking for problems. She also went on to mention the fact that she shopped in Marks and Spencer's - now everyone knows that place is not exactly ASDA price, has she never heard of Tesco, Morrisons or even Farmfoods?

I just don't understand how this is even an article, let alone a TWO PAGE SPREAD in a magazine. Saving money is relatively easy, living within your means is relatively easy too, her bills came to £900 so she's left with a grand to play with. A GRAND.

In contrast, I'm working with about £50 a fortnight and I still make my money work for me, I believe that girls like Emma need a reality check.....not a cheque!

- Mel Gibson

I think Mel Gibson should get an MBE from the Queen for making and starring in Braveheart! Obviously he didn't put Scotland on the map but I bet he increased tourist numbers by the millions with his legendary film.

When I was at the Wallace Monument recently, it was clear that most of the foreigners had seen the film because they were always asking questions about it. Even though the film is historically inaccurate but I think that may be a good thing because the foreigners are coming to find out more about Wallace's legend and why parts of the film are wrong.

Put it this way, when I played the Braveheart tune on my harmonica at the Wallace Monument there was some American tourists who instantly recognized it and clapped when I finished. And who said the American's aren't smart?!

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Only Mohammed Knows