The Daily Dott - and the fog disappears

I believe the security guard that works in my local Morrison’s looks exactly like Matthew Broderick, so much so, that one of these days I am going to walk up to him and say, “how come you are working?” And the bewildered guard will reply, “What do you mean?” And I shall answer, “Nothing, I just thought it was Ferris Bueller’s day off!"

It's The Daily...I am determined to catch that security guard off guard.


-Yoldie!
-Walking On Water
-I Emerge From The Fog With My Fucked Up Dialogue


-Yoldie!

A wise man once told me, “The best thing about being Dott’s pal is that, if you have done something stupid, the chances are he has done it too.”

So, with that in mind...I got a phone call from my drunken friend at five in the morning telling me that he had just broken a pensioner’s ankle;

“Dott, Dott, I just ahahahaha, I just nearly killed an old guy!”

And the worst thing is - I just laughed along with my friend thinking to myself - nothing surprises me anymore.

I wonder, after he broke the poor man’s ankle did he think “oh no, shit, let me phone Dott! If he has broken an old man’s ankles then maybe I will feel better.”

Well I have to admit, I have never broken an old man’s ankle, but, and maybe this will make my friend feel merrier…I did masturbate in the study room of a public library with an old man snoring away on the other side of the table.

It’s true isn't it? Us young ones just don’t respect the elderly!


-Walking On Water

So I was at the swimming or the swimming baths as the old people call it, when a man comes up to me and shouts “hey Jesus, I thought you walked on water!”

I looked at him angrily and snarled, “how aboot I just walk over yer face insteed ya cheeky bastard!”

That never happened by the way.


-I Emerge From The Fog With My Fucked Up Dialogue

In mother nature’s pack of cards the fog is the Joker – Michael Dott

The fog is the most murderous, mysterious, magical and mythical of all Mother Nature’s perfumes, can you imagine the advert, with a sweet and lush sounding French lady doing the voice over, ‘Get lost in it…Fog, the new fragrance from Mother Nature.’

I didn’t get lost in it the other day but I did become completely enamored by its mythical qualities, the fog seems to swallow everything in its path, it’s like the old kitchen towel adverts where they place two towels on top of spilled liquid and one quickly absorbs all of the liquid while the other ‘leading brand’ fails misreably.

Unlike the leading brand though, the fog does not fail, it is truly like a giant kitchen towel, quietly sucking up everything in it's path, tip-toeing in the night.

The fog then becomes the great deceiver that way and this is where its mythical attributes come in because even though you know where you are going the fog has you negotiating every step and movement.

Amazing isn't it, how the fog can make even the dullest of surroundings seem magical.

It did to mine.


the ghost house is to be cleaned...the ghost house is to be cleaned...the ghost house is to be cleaned...

A Love Story

I met my first love about eight years ago when I was in my early teens and I’ve being madly in love ever since.

In the beginning we were pure loved up, we couldn't keep our eyes (or our hands) off each other, I was mad about her and she was mad about me.

We were never apart, almost joined at the hip. You could always see us walking down Duke St together and my Gran would always complain because she could hear us from miles away! She was just jealous because we were having fun. She would also moan because I’d come in late and wake her up! I went everywhere with her, the shops, the pictures, you would always see me with my arm around her! My friends loved to hang out with her too.

We went to the same school and sometimes we would jump into the gym for a wee quickie! We had some quickies after school too, if I was lucky!

When we were apart I would write about her and draw these scribbles about love, most of my jotters were full of it even the front pages. I ended up having to pay for the jotters so I had to calm down and just do tiny doodles on the back!

My Granny and most of my family thought it was just a phase but as the years went on our love got stronger. When we had the whole "meet the family" thing I was nervous and I was disappointed because they weren't too keen on her, in fact, looking back they weren't interested at all. When my Granny and Grander split up my Grander would ask how we were doing and show some interest but I think it was just to make conversation.

They would say I shouldn’t be into things like that and there was some tension between us because she was a different colour from me but they eventually seen how happy she made me and accepted it.

I guess a lot has happened since I’ve left school, like I don’t see any of my family but luckily for me my baby has always been there for me, by my side , ready to rock when I need her.

She was there for me when my sister got ill which I’ll always remember because we went out that night and just lied on a wall and watched as the stars flickered away in the black sky. It was beautiful and it took my mind off things.

She was there for me when I moved homes; I’ve moved about ten times in the past 3 years and no matter where we go we'll go together, we'll never be separated.

The only bad thing is now that I’m older I don’t see her as much, but we're still in love, we still enjoy each other’s company , even if it is just once a week but when we part we can’t wait to be with each other again, after all these years.

One thing I’m proud of after all we've being through is that I’ve never being jealous, she's so beautiful, and everywhere we go there’s always about ten guys fighting to get their hands on her but I don’t really mind at all, because I know she loves me.

Another thing is that even though I've being seeing her for eight years, we've never had sex, although I have slept with her lots of times, it’s just our relationship is worth more than that.

I want her to know that I hope we spend many more happy days together and since I don’t have a girlfriend this year I will spend this Valentine’s Day with her, my first love - my basketball.