On Saturday I watched Casino Royale as James Bond and his “perfectly formed arse” (it is rather pert isn’t it) ran, jumped and humped a few nice women along the way in what was a pretty good yet jittery Bond film.
It was the credit-crunch bond, was Jimbo actually driving a Ford Mondeo?
Yes, he eventually got his Austin Martin and then gloriously crashed it on a long winding road. This was Bond like we’ve never seen him before.
“Yes James, Yes James!!” I shouted at the television.
That’s it. Fuck the Martini and yes, who really “gives a damn” if it’s shaken or stirred.
Did James Bond actually just say he “doesn’t give a damn” if his precious drink is shaken or stirred.
Indeed he did and it’s about bloody time too! What a nonsensical nonsense drink for a man of no nonsense.
‘No nonsense’ isn’t that the tagline for John Smiths? Yes and one has to ask, why doesn’t James Bond drink a pint of bitter? Raymond Chandler said that Bond is, “what every man would like to be” so why doesn’t he order a man’s drink! Well, you could argue that after losing that game of poker the man was already bitter enough.
But of course he got his revenge on the man with the bleeding eye that wouldn’t be any more interesting as a Bond villain if he had seven eyes and talked out of his arse. Has there been a memorable Bond villain since.........hmm.
The film ended with Bond towering over a villain with a ridiculously huge gun that I don’t really know how he managed to hold in the air with one arm whilst saying “Bond, James Bond.”
The fact that the film ended in this way shows the formula is being remixed a little and I also got the feeling they are aware of a certain Jason Bourne creeping up on their arses, I wonder if a tag team of Bourne and Bond would make for a good film? Perhaps the two wouldn’t, ahem, bond.
As for Daniel Craig, I thought he done the job, I can remember some woman saying that he looked like an average builder and not a James Bond but all I can say to that is he definitely doesn’t have a builders bum!
It’s the Daily...has anyone ever read a James Bond book?
-The Intricacies
-Don’t Look Forward
-Podcasts
-The Intricacies
The Intricacies is a good name for a band, don’t you think? Although I could just imagine a record company exec saying the name is too complicated. Well that’s another one added to my list, maybe I should make a website with a band name generator.
Too late!
http://www.bandnamemaker.com/generator/?cw=Intricacies&submit.x=81&submit.y=21
Whispering Intricacies! Now that’s a name! Shhhh, don’t tell anyone :P
-Don’t Look Forward
There is an evil angel up there in the clouds, a disgruntled little bastard who has been banished from whatever lies beyond the pearly gates, but he doesn’t mind, because he just loves to sit on a dark cloud and cast spells on people who are gaily looking forward to things.
As the Joker would say, LIKE ME!
Yes, for two weeks or maybe longer I had been looking forward to going to basketball training with Blantyre, a blizzard of five on five Basketball was waiting for me. Or so I thought.
Instead I get hit with an avalanche, not of players, but of reality as only four people showed and only one of them was a Blantyre man. How can 3 HOURS of Basketball go so unloved, so unnoticed...
That wee bastard is sneering.
I kind of blame myself for looking forward to it, as mad as that may seem. When I look forward to things they never turn out the way I imagined and how can I falter myself for having an imagination.
In the words of Lucifer, I’ll be dammed.
-Podcasts
I have recently just discovered the delightful world of podcasts even though my Ipod is over a year old. God, it took me ages to craft that opening sentence, grammar makes me fickle.
Anyway, yes, Podcasts are pretty cool, I like listening to the radio on occasion but I love the fact you have a wee show that you can listen to ‘on the move’ so to speak. What I don’t like about it is that earphones give me a fucking headache.
Two shows I listen to at the moment are Stephen Fry’s podgram and ESPN’s NBA Daily!
---------------------------------
Dave Brubeck does things with that saxophone... Dave Brubeck does things with that saxophone...Dave Brubeck does things with that saxophone...
My shirt has dots on it does that mean I’m dotting?
Tuesday, 30 June 2009
Monday, 29 June 2009
Isn’t it fascinating that I have a long list of pet hates when in actual fact one of my pet hates is the culture and fascination with listing things, you know, the whole 'top ten’ of this and ‘greatest movies of all time’ stuff.
MSN is notoriously rife for listing just about everything that can possibly be listed - and the shame about that is nothing can have a true value these days without a number, place or rank within a list and this carries over to us in our discussions about, for example, who the best footballers are of all time. Does that shit really need to be ranked? Anyone can make a list; it’s not a hard thing to do.
Anyway, all this talk about lists is making for listless reading so let’s get on with the show and you guessed it, coming up are my pet-hates, a subject I’ve been meaning to molest for a while now. It’s The Daily...keep the lists for the Sunday shopping, please!
-Michael Jackson
-Willy Nilly
-Pet hates
-Michael Jackson
By now, I’m sure everyone knows that Michael Jackson is dead and there is suspicion mounting as to the circumstances surrounding it i.e. maybe drugs were used. Conspiracy theories will be rife, no doubt, as there always is when someone of such altitude dies, some will think he’s still alive but the question I am asking is this, was Michael Jackson black or white? My brother says he is black and also my mate, but this photo begs to differ; http://www.gossipcheck.com/blog/wp-c...
Clearly he’s white! Not black. He WAS black. But now he’s white.
-Willy Nilly
According to Stephen Fry the word ‘willy nilly’ used to mean that one was indecisive but now it has transcended to mean that one is all over the place. Fry thinks that’s fine because “language is like nature in the way it evolves,” I wonder what words we use today will change in the future!
-Pet hates
I have no idea why the things that get under our nose are called ‘pet-hates’ because to me that’s a dig at our lovely pets to which our homes would be lifeless without their presence. Perhaps it’s because, like a pet, we look after our hates – even though we hate our hates we do tend to them affectionately...I for one have noticed that people love to tell others what rubs them the wrong way, what really annoys them, don’t we love to tell of our pet hates. Is it likeable?Maybe, maybe it is likeable to dislike things, there’s nothing wrong with it I guess, just as long as your pet hate stays on a leash and doesn’t shit where it’s not supposed to then we shall all be fine (perhaps fine isn’t the best word to use there). So without further Bob McAdoo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_McAdoo)
1. Male Vulgarity
I HATE male vulgarity. It’s brutal, it’s disgusting and it’s nothing but utter frothy filth that shouldn’t even brave the top of a Fosters pint served in a plastic cup in Campus of all places. You would think, in this day and age, such vulgarity would have long escaped our tongues. But still, there is a lot of males who love nothing better than to shout, “get your tits out” “show us yer rat” “show us yer minge hen” “get yer flaps out” etc to females , I’m sure you guys know exactly what I am talking about.Where does that come from? What exactly are these people expecting?
Do they actually think that by shouting that shit that a female is actually going to get her tits out for them? Of course she isn’t. That shit is not cool. Calling a vagina a rat?!? Well, if that’s what they want to call it then I guess us males came from a rat, what does that make us... vermin?
I cringe when I hear that shit. I cringe when the white van beeps his horn because he’s seen a female, my God, look, there’s a girl! Oh and she’s got blonde hair, and tits too, and an arse, wow! A female with blonde hair, tits and an ass, well I’ll be dammed. Are these people surprised to see a female with a pair of tits or an arse? As if they aren’t meant to have them!
What makes that even more pitiful is that some males do the above in front of other males just to be cool, to be ‘one of the lads.’ God help us all.
The way these guys are acting you’d think they’d never seen any of it before, but the worst part is, they have...have a wife, have children, have daughters, have mothers and grandmothers.
Why disrespect women like that?
2. Male Vulgarity (again)
Another element of vulgarity from males that gets on my tits, or my man breasts, is males who refer to having sex as, “getting ma hole.” Again, I’m sure your ears have heard the “a hole is a goal” terminology and all the other derogatory references that go with it.Listen. A hole is not a nice thing to call a woman’s vagina, even though it may be a hole of sorts. But the funny thing is, a hole is usually described as a place you would rather NOT be. You know, digging’ yourself a hole, stuck in a hole, trapped in a hole – that sort of thing.
Conversely, a vagina is a place I’m sure a lot of males would love to be in so why it’s called a hole I do not know, I just think it’s disgusting and unimaginative; you will never catch me saying it or even having the audacity to ask a girlfriend for it.By the way, some males actually ask their girlfriend if they can get their hole, I’m not sure what’s worse, the male who asks or the female who puts up that shit.
Why don’t we call it a fissure instead?
3. Male Infidelity
Because nobody likes a cheater, do they? Hmm, in most aspects of life cheating is seen as a bad thing (think steroids in sports) but to some people cheating on your wife or girlfriend is acceptable but I don’t think it is at all, hence the reason it is on my list. I know a lot of people who cheat and I guess cheating and bragging go hand in hand because cheaters love to talk about their handy work -as they’d like it to be known. Honestly, is it really that hard to be disciplined?
Well, women know when their being cheated on and I’m sure it won’t be long before the culprit is caught with his Paddy Ashdowns.
If one female isn’t good enough don’t have two. Simple!
4. Certain words
Yes, certain words annoy me, especially ones that are grossly over-used like make-up on a tart! I am not you’re dude and I don’t think what just happened was awesome, mostly because I am not AMERICAN!!!I am Scottish, I am your lad, laddy, man, chum, pal, mate – not a dude. Call me whatever you want but not dude, please. As for awesome, it’s just one of those words that doesn’t carry any weight with me. Awesome has been so over done now that it’s lost its awesomeness and now when people describe something as awesome I believe it means mediocre.
Awesome is arsesome.
5. Manners, please.
I believe I am quite the gentlemen when it comes to my manners, I just wish more people were as considerate as myself. If you are in front of me and I am lagging behind I expect you to hold the door open for me, not because I am incapable but because I would do the same for you, it’s basic gentonomics.
Maybe that should be a subject in University!
6. Issue with tissue
I hate when I do the toilet only to discover there is no toilet roll, so much so, that I once famously mentioned it in a job interview and suffice to say I did not get the job. But seriously, a toilet without bog roll is like a bedroom without a bed, shits not right.
7. Checkout Manners
Yes I am developing a pet hate for people with no checkout manners and it’s nothing to do with people paying by card when there’s a great big queue (although that is rather annoying isn’t it?) it’s more to do with people not putting down the “next customer please” stick on the conveyor belt. Because they don’t do this, I have to reach over everyone’s food and grab it myself, and yes, best believe I slam it down on the belt when that happens!!
Okay, so it’s not that bad but this goes back to manners for me, it isn’t a hard thing to be courteous to the next man. And if I only have two items and you have two hundred you better be letting me skip you.
Oh, and people who just stand there and I can’t put my shopping on the conveyor belt, the belt moves for a purpose so there is no need to stand idle like the Queens guard.
8. Lists
I was going to list the reasons why I hate lists but that would be like eating my own faeces. Eh, maybe I should just move on to the next topic as to get that horrible image out of your head and my own. It does, however, serve as a good way of me showing you my dislike for lists.What is the greatest? Are sports, films, television and music dead? Well, until they are, there really can be no greatest and honestly, who actually cares, there are so many intangibles when listing such things that it just can’t be done.
9. Directors who over use their nameAlmost every film poster and trailer now comes with the whole “from the Director of the 40 year old virgin” bullshit. Why do they feel the need to mention that shit? Do they think the audience are stupid? And what’s even more silly is that sometimes when it says from the director of such and such a film - that film wasn’t even good anyway so it would make people NOT want to see it.
A film should be able to stand on its own without reminding people who directed it, it’s fair enough to have the directors name on the poster but not in HUGE type and with the whole introduction as I mentioned earlier.
10. Looking at my feet first
I am going to get a pair of white trainers and on the front I shall draw a pair of eyes, a nose, maybe even a wee moustache, some eyebrows and a wee smile for the mouth because the amount of people that look at my feet first as if it’s my face is atrocious. Then again, maybe my trainers are more pleasant to look at.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I shall not be fractious in these times...I shall not be fractious in these times... I shall not be fractious in these times...I shall not be fractious in these times...
If you’re going to fuck the world, do it gently.
MSN is notoriously rife for listing just about everything that can possibly be listed - and the shame about that is nothing can have a true value these days without a number, place or rank within a list and this carries over to us in our discussions about, for example, who the best footballers are of all time. Does that shit really need to be ranked? Anyone can make a list; it’s not a hard thing to do.
Anyway, all this talk about lists is making for listless reading so let’s get on with the show and you guessed it, coming up are my pet-hates, a subject I’ve been meaning to molest for a while now. It’s The Daily...keep the lists for the Sunday shopping, please!
-Michael Jackson
-Willy Nilly
-Pet hates
-Michael Jackson
By now, I’m sure everyone knows that Michael Jackson is dead and there is suspicion mounting as to the circumstances surrounding it i.e. maybe drugs were used. Conspiracy theories will be rife, no doubt, as there always is when someone of such altitude dies, some will think he’s still alive but the question I am asking is this, was Michael Jackson black or white? My brother says he is black and also my mate, but this photo begs to differ; http://www.gossipcheck.com/blog/wp-c...
Clearly he’s white! Not black. He WAS black. But now he’s white.
-Willy Nilly
According to Stephen Fry the word ‘willy nilly’ used to mean that one was indecisive but now it has transcended to mean that one is all over the place. Fry thinks that’s fine because “language is like nature in the way it evolves,” I wonder what words we use today will change in the future!
-Pet hates
I have no idea why the things that get under our nose are called ‘pet-hates’ because to me that’s a dig at our lovely pets to which our homes would be lifeless without their presence. Perhaps it’s because, like a pet, we look after our hates – even though we hate our hates we do tend to them affectionately...I for one have noticed that people love to tell others what rubs them the wrong way, what really annoys them, don’t we love to tell of our pet hates. Is it likeable?Maybe, maybe it is likeable to dislike things, there’s nothing wrong with it I guess, just as long as your pet hate stays on a leash and doesn’t shit where it’s not supposed to then we shall all be fine (perhaps fine isn’t the best word to use there). So without further Bob McAdoo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_McAdoo)
1. Male Vulgarity
I HATE male vulgarity. It’s brutal, it’s disgusting and it’s nothing but utter frothy filth that shouldn’t even brave the top of a Fosters pint served in a plastic cup in Campus of all places. You would think, in this day and age, such vulgarity would have long escaped our tongues. But still, there is a lot of males who love nothing better than to shout, “get your tits out” “show us yer rat” “show us yer minge hen” “get yer flaps out” etc to females , I’m sure you guys know exactly what I am talking about.Where does that come from? What exactly are these people expecting?
Do they actually think that by shouting that shit that a female is actually going to get her tits out for them? Of course she isn’t. That shit is not cool. Calling a vagina a rat?!? Well, if that’s what they want to call it then I guess us males came from a rat, what does that make us... vermin?
I cringe when I hear that shit. I cringe when the white van beeps his horn because he’s seen a female, my God, look, there’s a girl! Oh and she’s got blonde hair, and tits too, and an arse, wow! A female with blonde hair, tits and an ass, well I’ll be dammed. Are these people surprised to see a female with a pair of tits or an arse? As if they aren’t meant to have them!
What makes that even more pitiful is that some males do the above in front of other males just to be cool, to be ‘one of the lads.’ God help us all.
The way these guys are acting you’d think they’d never seen any of it before, but the worst part is, they have...have a wife, have children, have daughters, have mothers and grandmothers.
Why disrespect women like that?
2. Male Vulgarity (again)
Another element of vulgarity from males that gets on my tits, or my man breasts, is males who refer to having sex as, “getting ma hole.” Again, I’m sure your ears have heard the “a hole is a goal” terminology and all the other derogatory references that go with it.Listen. A hole is not a nice thing to call a woman’s vagina, even though it may be a hole of sorts. But the funny thing is, a hole is usually described as a place you would rather NOT be. You know, digging’ yourself a hole, stuck in a hole, trapped in a hole – that sort of thing.
Conversely, a vagina is a place I’m sure a lot of males would love to be in so why it’s called a hole I do not know, I just think it’s disgusting and unimaginative; you will never catch me saying it or even having the audacity to ask a girlfriend for it.By the way, some males actually ask their girlfriend if they can get their hole, I’m not sure what’s worse, the male who asks or the female who puts up that shit.
Why don’t we call it a fissure instead?
3. Male Infidelity
Because nobody likes a cheater, do they? Hmm, in most aspects of life cheating is seen as a bad thing (think steroids in sports) but to some people cheating on your wife or girlfriend is acceptable but I don’t think it is at all, hence the reason it is on my list. I know a lot of people who cheat and I guess cheating and bragging go hand in hand because cheaters love to talk about their handy work -as they’d like it to be known. Honestly, is it really that hard to be disciplined?
Well, women know when their being cheated on and I’m sure it won’t be long before the culprit is caught with his Paddy Ashdowns.
If one female isn’t good enough don’t have two. Simple!
4. Certain words
Yes, certain words annoy me, especially ones that are grossly over-used like make-up on a tart! I am not you’re dude and I don’t think what just happened was awesome, mostly because I am not AMERICAN!!!I am Scottish, I am your lad, laddy, man, chum, pal, mate – not a dude. Call me whatever you want but not dude, please. As for awesome, it’s just one of those words that doesn’t carry any weight with me. Awesome has been so over done now that it’s lost its awesomeness and now when people describe something as awesome I believe it means mediocre.
Awesome is arsesome.
5. Manners, please.
I believe I am quite the gentlemen when it comes to my manners, I just wish more people were as considerate as myself. If you are in front of me and I am lagging behind I expect you to hold the door open for me, not because I am incapable but because I would do the same for you, it’s basic gentonomics.
Maybe that should be a subject in University!
6. Issue with tissue
I hate when I do the toilet only to discover there is no toilet roll, so much so, that I once famously mentioned it in a job interview and suffice to say I did not get the job. But seriously, a toilet without bog roll is like a bedroom without a bed, shits not right.
7. Checkout Manners
Yes I am developing a pet hate for people with no checkout manners and it’s nothing to do with people paying by card when there’s a great big queue (although that is rather annoying isn’t it?) it’s more to do with people not putting down the “next customer please” stick on the conveyor belt. Because they don’t do this, I have to reach over everyone’s food and grab it myself, and yes, best believe I slam it down on the belt when that happens!!
Okay, so it’s not that bad but this goes back to manners for me, it isn’t a hard thing to be courteous to the next man. And if I only have two items and you have two hundred you better be letting me skip you.
Oh, and people who just stand there and I can’t put my shopping on the conveyor belt, the belt moves for a purpose so there is no need to stand idle like the Queens guard.
8. Lists
I was going to list the reasons why I hate lists but that would be like eating my own faeces. Eh, maybe I should just move on to the next topic as to get that horrible image out of your head and my own. It does, however, serve as a good way of me showing you my dislike for lists.What is the greatest? Are sports, films, television and music dead? Well, until they are, there really can be no greatest and honestly, who actually cares, there are so many intangibles when listing such things that it just can’t be done.
9. Directors who over use their nameAlmost every film poster and trailer now comes with the whole “from the Director of the 40 year old virgin” bullshit. Why do they feel the need to mention that shit? Do they think the audience are stupid? And what’s even more silly is that sometimes when it says from the director of such and such a film - that film wasn’t even good anyway so it would make people NOT want to see it.
A film should be able to stand on its own without reminding people who directed it, it’s fair enough to have the directors name on the poster but not in HUGE type and with the whole introduction as I mentioned earlier.
10. Looking at my feet first
I am going to get a pair of white trainers and on the front I shall draw a pair of eyes, a nose, maybe even a wee moustache, some eyebrows and a wee smile for the mouth because the amount of people that look at my feet first as if it’s my face is atrocious. Then again, maybe my trainers are more pleasant to look at.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I shall not be fractious in these times...I shall not be fractious in these times... I shall not be fractious in these times...I shall not be fractious in these times...
If you’re going to fuck the world, do it gently.
Thursday, 18 June 2009
The Daily Dott - Thursday - Wireless Baby!
The bellybutton may be our most useless body part, having no other apparent function than to collect bum fluff, but, it does serve as a reminder that we were NOT born alone.
Someone cut that umbilical chord with a big pair of rusty scissors and the chord itself obviously came from our Mother, so that's at least two people who witnessed our touchdown on this Earth.
And if you're Dad was a belter, he probably would have been there too.
So that's the whole 'I was born alone so I will die alone' thing kiboshed. Or at least, you may unfortunately die alone but it's impossible to be born alone.
I've been wireless since '84 - baby!
Someone cut that umbilical chord with a big pair of rusty scissors and the chord itself obviously came from our Mother, so that's at least two people who witnessed our touchdown on this Earth.
And if you're Dad was a belter, he probably would have been there too.
So that's the whole 'I was born alone so I will die alone' thing kiboshed. Or at least, you may unfortunately die alone but it's impossible to be born alone.
I've been wireless since '84 - baby!
The Daily Dott - Malky And The Broccoli Tree
He noticed me before I noticed him. They always do. Those...is he drunk? Here we go!
He was sitting under my favourite tree, one that I affectionately call the Broccoli tree, because it looks like a huge stalk of broccoli jutting out from the ground. He called me over, before I had the chance to pretend I never saw him and the next thing I knew, I was sitting beside 'Malky,' listening to tales from what I could only describe as not his finest hour.
For the reason he was sitting under the Broccoli Tree was that his girlfriend had kicked him out the night before and he spent the night under the stars with a comforting bottle of white lighting which he kindly offered me a 'swatch' off.
I'd rather be struck by lighting.
Malky's problems seemed to run deep, like the scars on his wrists from attempted suicide. His Father passed away many years ago, an event he admitted to never recovering from.
Throughout our conversation, I noticed he would pause to reflect on superstitious notions, such as how many magpies there was in the park ( he was genuinely pleased to see two) and before I went away he even picked up a penny and gave it to me – believing it would give me luck for the rest of the day.
Walking away from the tree where he sat, I began to think about the significance of his comments regarding superstition.
See, he didn't just acknowledge them in a passive way, instead he seemed to really believe that these exterior elements could bring him happiness.
As opposed to finding his own inner joy, he was hoping the sight of two birds would do it for him, instead of having a good day and enjoying himself he believed that finding a penny guaranteed him happiness, albeit, for 24 hours.
Much in the same way we all put a quid on to 'win the lottery' because we firmly believe that it will change our lives, but would it really, really change you that much?
The man had, of course, been through more shite than Tim Robbins in the Shawshank Redemption, but the difference is, Tim didn't enjoy swimming through the shit. It kinda seemed to me that Malky enjoyed revelling in his suicidal attempts, harsh as that may seem.
There isn't really a 'silver lining' to this story as such, and if there was, best believe those magpies would have nabbed it anyway, but, in short, it's time to create our own happiness.
He was sitting under my favourite tree, one that I affectionately call the Broccoli tree, because it looks like a huge stalk of broccoli jutting out from the ground. He called me over, before I had the chance to pretend I never saw him and the next thing I knew, I was sitting beside 'Malky,' listening to tales from what I could only describe as not his finest hour.
For the reason he was sitting under the Broccoli Tree was that his girlfriend had kicked him out the night before and he spent the night under the stars with a comforting bottle of white lighting which he kindly offered me a 'swatch' off.
I'd rather be struck by lighting.
Malky's problems seemed to run deep, like the scars on his wrists from attempted suicide. His Father passed away many years ago, an event he admitted to never recovering from.
Throughout our conversation, I noticed he would pause to reflect on superstitious notions, such as how many magpies there was in the park ( he was genuinely pleased to see two) and before I went away he even picked up a penny and gave it to me – believing it would give me luck for the rest of the day.
Walking away from the tree where he sat, I began to think about the significance of his comments regarding superstition.
See, he didn't just acknowledge them in a passive way, instead he seemed to really believe that these exterior elements could bring him happiness.
As opposed to finding his own inner joy, he was hoping the sight of two birds would do it for him, instead of having a good day and enjoying himself he believed that finding a penny guaranteed him happiness, albeit, for 24 hours.
Much in the same way we all put a quid on to 'win the lottery' because we firmly believe that it will change our lives, but would it really, really change you that much?
The man had, of course, been through more shite than Tim Robbins in the Shawshank Redemption, but the difference is, Tim didn't enjoy swimming through the shit. It kinda seemed to me that Malky enjoyed revelling in his suicidal attempts, harsh as that may seem.
There isn't really a 'silver lining' to this story as such, and if there was, best believe those magpies would have nabbed it anyway, but, in short, it's time to create our own happiness.
The Daily Dott - Tuesday
I've decided to invent the world's first apple that cleans your teeth whilst you eat it!! Does that make sense?
Think about it, Dentists, and other medical professionals, have always advised us to eat an apple a day - even though it's supposed to, 'keep them at bay.' Eating an apple is healthy for the teeth and gums, no doubt, and just like a juicy rump steak it gives the mouth a workout. So why not add a bit of toothpaste to it since a lot of people have an apple in the morning anyway. Plus, carrying an apple is more convenient than toothpaste and a toothbrush!
So how does it work? I can hear the Dragons asking! Well, my revolutionary apple would have a toothpaste and mouthwash mixture inside it that would sort of foam in you're mouth when you eat it. Simple.I could call it BrightMac instead of Britemac, Pearly McIntosh instead of Eearly McIntosh....and so on.
It's the Daily, I think a minty apple would taste quite nice, don't you?
- Going To Church
- Silver Spoon
- Mel Gibson
- Going To Church
How do you go about joining the Church? Does one just turn up on a Sunday wearing his Sunday best? Is there a membership fee? Or is that silly?
I have so many unanswered questions with regards to going to the Church...but that should change if I decide to go. I mean, even if I don't 100% believe in God, I can still go because I still think it's an amazing story, I like the prayers and the Church songs.
One of the earliest songs I remember were the likes of 'He's Got The Whole World In His Hands' and 'Lord Of The Dance.'Going to Church would probably give me a sense of belonging and community and like I say, even though I don't 100% believe in God ,every time I am in a Church I always feel a strange aura, like I am in a great temple or something. It's hard to explain but that feeling would be nice to have every Sunday, better than a hangover anyway!
- Silver Spoon
This morning I was in my local NatWest branch, a place in which I had previously waited an hour for someone to speak too, and that was just to open an account with them. Yes, the NatWest is the worlds worst bank in my opinion, especially for it's waiting times, so it's no wonder I found myself casting a critical eye over it's free magazine – what else was there to do?
An article that I felt really took the piss was under the 'life coach' section, it featured a girl called Emma (who was a Journalist) that was having so-called money 'problems,' of course, I say the latter with great sarcasm.
“Why do I end up overdrawn at the end of every month?” was the title of this article and to the left it showed Emma's monthly budget and the things she spends her money on. She makes £1,800 a month and spends £2,000 – so that's the answer to her overdrawm problem straight away!
Now I ain't no life coach but if you're going to spend £110 on newspapers and magazines and £280 on lunch and flowers, like Emma does, then you're asking for problems. She also went on to mention the fact that she shopped in Marks and Spencer's - now everyone knows that place is not exactly ASDA price, has she never heard of Tesco, Morrisons or even Farmfoods?
I just don't understand how this is even an article, let alone a TWO PAGE SPREAD in a magazine. Saving money is relatively easy, living within your means is relatively easy too, her bills came to £900 so she's left with a grand to play with. A GRAND.
In contrast, I'm working with about £50 a fortnight and I still make my money work for me, I believe that girls like Emma need a reality check.....not a cheque!
- Mel Gibson
I think Mel Gibson should get an MBE from the Queen for making and starring in Braveheart! Obviously he didn't put Scotland on the map but I bet he increased tourist numbers by the millions with his legendary film.
When I was at the Wallace Monument recently, it was clear that most of the foreigners had seen the film because they were always asking questions about it. Even though the film is historically inaccurate but I think that may be a good thing because the foreigners are coming to find out more about Wallace's legend and why parts of the film are wrong.
Put it this way, when I played the Braveheart tune on my harmonica at the Wallace Monument there was some American tourists who instantly recognized it and clapped when I finished. And who said the American's aren't smart?!
----------------------------------------------
Only Mohammed Knows
Think about it, Dentists, and other medical professionals, have always advised us to eat an apple a day - even though it's supposed to, 'keep them at bay.' Eating an apple is healthy for the teeth and gums, no doubt, and just like a juicy rump steak it gives the mouth a workout. So why not add a bit of toothpaste to it since a lot of people have an apple in the morning anyway. Plus, carrying an apple is more convenient than toothpaste and a toothbrush!
So how does it work? I can hear the Dragons asking! Well, my revolutionary apple would have a toothpaste and mouthwash mixture inside it that would sort of foam in you're mouth when you eat it. Simple.I could call it BrightMac instead of Britemac, Pearly McIntosh instead of Eearly McIntosh....and so on.
It's the Daily, I think a minty apple would taste quite nice, don't you?
- Going To Church
- Silver Spoon
- Mel Gibson
- Going To Church
How do you go about joining the Church? Does one just turn up on a Sunday wearing his Sunday best? Is there a membership fee? Or is that silly?
I have so many unanswered questions with regards to going to the Church...but that should change if I decide to go. I mean, even if I don't 100% believe in God, I can still go because I still think it's an amazing story, I like the prayers and the Church songs.
One of the earliest songs I remember were the likes of 'He's Got The Whole World In His Hands' and 'Lord Of The Dance.'Going to Church would probably give me a sense of belonging and community and like I say, even though I don't 100% believe in God ,every time I am in a Church I always feel a strange aura, like I am in a great temple or something. It's hard to explain but that feeling would be nice to have every Sunday, better than a hangover anyway!
- Silver Spoon
This morning I was in my local NatWest branch, a place in which I had previously waited an hour for someone to speak too, and that was just to open an account with them. Yes, the NatWest is the worlds worst bank in my opinion, especially for it's waiting times, so it's no wonder I found myself casting a critical eye over it's free magazine – what else was there to do?
An article that I felt really took the piss was under the 'life coach' section, it featured a girl called Emma (who was a Journalist) that was having so-called money 'problems,' of course, I say the latter with great sarcasm.
“Why do I end up overdrawn at the end of every month?” was the title of this article and to the left it showed Emma's monthly budget and the things she spends her money on. She makes £1,800 a month and spends £2,000 – so that's the answer to her overdrawm problem straight away!
Now I ain't no life coach but if you're going to spend £110 on newspapers and magazines and £280 on lunch and flowers, like Emma does, then you're asking for problems. She also went on to mention the fact that she shopped in Marks and Spencer's - now everyone knows that place is not exactly ASDA price, has she never heard of Tesco, Morrisons or even Farmfoods?
I just don't understand how this is even an article, let alone a TWO PAGE SPREAD in a magazine. Saving money is relatively easy, living within your means is relatively easy too, her bills came to £900 so she's left with a grand to play with. A GRAND.
In contrast, I'm working with about £50 a fortnight and I still make my money work for me, I believe that girls like Emma need a reality check.....not a cheque!
- Mel Gibson
I think Mel Gibson should get an MBE from the Queen for making and starring in Braveheart! Obviously he didn't put Scotland on the map but I bet he increased tourist numbers by the millions with his legendary film.
When I was at the Wallace Monument recently, it was clear that most of the foreigners had seen the film because they were always asking questions about it. Even though the film is historically inaccurate but I think that may be a good thing because the foreigners are coming to find out more about Wallace's legend and why parts of the film are wrong.
Put it this way, when I played the Braveheart tune on my harmonica at the Wallace Monument there was some American tourists who instantly recognized it and clapped when I finished. And who said the American's aren't smart?!
----------------------------------------------
Only Mohammed Knows
The Daily Dott - Monday
The funny and ironic thing about being called 'Jesus' is that nobody actually knows if the guy even existed let alone how long his hair was, in fact, the short haired people that call me Jesus may actually look more like the holy man than I do.
Jesus could be black, white, hispanic, yellow or brown – as I said, who really knows?
So while the most common image of the man may be this ; http://carpefactum.typepad.com/photo...
In reality, there's nothing to dispute the fact he could also have looked like this : http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/un...
And whilst I don't mean to turn this into The Daily Trichologist I do find it fascinating the amount of people who make comments about my long hair, I mean, people say I have long hair as if I don't already know it! And the generalisations and stereotypes are so sweeping I can actually feel them blow over my fine locks. One guy even said to me, “you've got a 'do so you must love your tunes.' Yes, I do love my tunes but I thought that was quite a funny thing to say especially since the guy did not know the first thing about me. But that's assumptions for you and I guess I'm equally as guilty as thinking a guy with a bauldy napper is a hard bastard! It's the Daily, as for Jesus...only God knows?
-Jesus Remains
- Don't sleep on Napster
- Bloggin' Blues
- A Dream Job
- Jesus Remains
I hate to, ahem, 'pick a bone' with Jesus and religion but if Mr.Christ did exist then how come nobody has found his remains? Oh I forgot he resurrected...but still, they find dinosaur fossils all the time so there really is no excuse. It would be quite good if the Time Team discovered his remains though - now that would be must watch TV.
- Don't sleep on Napster
It's hard to believe that Napster is 10 years old! I found that out the other day when I came across an online article which chronicles the beginnings of downloading and pirating on the internet.
Ten years later and we're all using applications like Azerues and Limewire to download our music and films but we shouldn't sleep on Napster because there's no doubt that Shawn Fanning, the guy who wrote the code and founded Napster, single handedly changed the industry forever.
Here's the link to the article, it's long but interesing :http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/...-
-Bloggin' Blues
The reason I love the Blues right now is that just like hip-hop (or just like what hip-hop used to be) the Blues, and it's artists, don't mince about with their words. There always seems to be no middle ground with the genre so whether the artist is happy or sad he's going to let you know through his music.
Blues deals with everyday shit so I can understand why some people may not like it, after all, music is a form of escapism but at the same time it's good to listen to the Blues because with the passion and intensity that is carried by artists like John Lee Hooker, Van Morrison and Muddy Waters they actually make you feel like their dealing with the same issues as your own. I guess what I'm trying to say is you can find solace and comfort in the Blues. And it ain't all doom and gloom because at the end of the day it gave birth to Rock N Roll and that's gotta count for something.
- A Dream Job
I seem to be very close or thisclose to getting my dream job and that is, if you know me, a Journalist. I have applied for a News Reporter role with a company called Wait For The Bell. And to be honest, I found myself waiting for them to give me a bell as it took almost a month for them to get back to me after my original application was submitted. I then got a reply saying I was through to the 2nd stage - then I had to go back onto their website to answer some questions like, "what is your ambition?" and "what qaulities can you bring to the team?" I answered the call and filled it in with as much mystery and honesty as possible. If I don't get the job it's still exciting to be close to attaining it as I now view it as something that is definitely within my reach in terms of skill and maturity.
-----------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note, anyone have a cigarette?
Jesus could be black, white, hispanic, yellow or brown – as I said, who really knows?
So while the most common image of the man may be this ; http://carpefactum.typepad.com/photo...
In reality, there's nothing to dispute the fact he could also have looked like this : http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/un...
And whilst I don't mean to turn this into The Daily Trichologist I do find it fascinating the amount of people who make comments about my long hair, I mean, people say I have long hair as if I don't already know it! And the generalisations and stereotypes are so sweeping I can actually feel them blow over my fine locks. One guy even said to me, “you've got a 'do so you must love your tunes.' Yes, I do love my tunes but I thought that was quite a funny thing to say especially since the guy did not know the first thing about me. But that's assumptions for you and I guess I'm equally as guilty as thinking a guy with a bauldy napper is a hard bastard! It's the Daily, as for Jesus...only God knows?
-Jesus Remains
- Don't sleep on Napster
- Bloggin' Blues
- A Dream Job
- Jesus Remains
I hate to, ahem, 'pick a bone' with Jesus and religion but if Mr.Christ did exist then how come nobody has found his remains? Oh I forgot he resurrected...but still, they find dinosaur fossils all the time so there really is no excuse. It would be quite good if the Time Team discovered his remains though - now that would be must watch TV.
- Don't sleep on Napster
It's hard to believe that Napster is 10 years old! I found that out the other day when I came across an online article which chronicles the beginnings of downloading and pirating on the internet.
Ten years later and we're all using applications like Azerues and Limewire to download our music and films but we shouldn't sleep on Napster because there's no doubt that Shawn Fanning, the guy who wrote the code and founded Napster, single handedly changed the industry forever.
Here's the link to the article, it's long but interesing :http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/...-
-Bloggin' Blues
The reason I love the Blues right now is that just like hip-hop (or just like what hip-hop used to be) the Blues, and it's artists, don't mince about with their words. There always seems to be no middle ground with the genre so whether the artist is happy or sad he's going to let you know through his music.
Blues deals with everyday shit so I can understand why some people may not like it, after all, music is a form of escapism but at the same time it's good to listen to the Blues because with the passion and intensity that is carried by artists like John Lee Hooker, Van Morrison and Muddy Waters they actually make you feel like their dealing with the same issues as your own. I guess what I'm trying to say is you can find solace and comfort in the Blues. And it ain't all doom and gloom because at the end of the day it gave birth to Rock N Roll and that's gotta count for something.
- A Dream Job
I seem to be very close or thisclose to getting my dream job and that is, if you know me, a Journalist. I have applied for a News Reporter role with a company called Wait For The Bell. And to be honest, I found myself waiting for them to give me a bell as it took almost a month for them to get back to me after my original application was submitted. I then got a reply saying I was through to the 2nd stage - then I had to go back onto their website to answer some questions like, "what is your ambition?" and "what qaulities can you bring to the team?" I answered the call and filled it in with as much mystery and honesty as possible. If I don't get the job it's still exciting to be close to attaining it as I now view it as something that is definitely within my reach in terms of skill and maturity.
-----------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note, anyone have a cigarette?
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